sometimes your mood just goes down suddenly

sometimes listening to good music while walking home can cure the emptiness, but there would be times when it can not

sometimes you want to stay strong, but

sometimes you need to cry out the feelings.

sometimes you can blabber anything even to strangers, but

there'll be an occasion that it is not right.

sometimes you don't like the way yourself is different,
and although no one says it you know they (ever) talk about you behind your back.

That's okay, everyone does.

But it sucks to think about it, to think about why they can't be honest, or won't tell it in your face.

Sometimes you have no one to rant out,

and the only way to heal your feelings is by praying;

But for sure you know that you'll cry out your heart, and

you hate being weak;

Even to God.

And then you come to realize that so much thing happens and you have changed a lot

you hate it, but you still let it be.

Sometimes speaking out your thoughts, problems, and feelings will make you feel better;

i do hope so

============


taken by me using ule's camera :)

earth rotates, world evolves, technologies developes, i turned 19 two days ago.

lol fail pun.

I didnt put my birthday date on facebook, and seems like it's pretty effective. No flooding notifications on fb. Main reason i don't put it on fb because i don't like getting message by random people who suddenly wall you when it's you're birthday. Well, if you really think me as friend, remembering friends' birthday date isn't a burden right? Sorry for the incovenience, high school mates~~

But without fb notifs, information about my birthday still spreading. LJ notifs still works, MBWG's 'jarkom' works, so yeah get many wishes from them. Thank you <3

And thank you to some of you prepare cake for me although 16 march was Calculus test also <3

So Happy Birthday for Margareth Hilda *claps*
May on your 19 you'll be more mature, be more organized discipline, in near time can decide which major to focus (civil engineeering or ocean engineering ._.);
May you as continuing your journey, before turning to 20 in 363 days, do a memorable achievements. Do your best balancing time between studying, MBWG, and fooling around :)
Also do your best in saving up money, get in shape, get your flexible and healthy body back :)

P.S: oh hi dear fandom, I move on from Yabu :) Not that i don't like him anymore, it's like he's changing? Well, he still handsome, still moi flawless-sama, but the love isn't at that amount it used to be. Will keep supporting JUMP tho, as they inspire me in many ways :D

strong and weak

The last time it occured was on last friday when i was about to have Physic midtest 1. Mai kokoro felt that certain questions that i was exercising would be on the test. Following what my feelings told, i studied about them but not really into the phase i understood the concept is. Also there're so many other things i should study. But then, tadaaa~n, those 'certain questions' were on the test.

Do i have that strong heart? It happens a lot, especially ever since i entered univ.

I once shared this thing to my mentor. She said it was how holy spirit inside me works.
.
.
.
really?
So does it mean if i really study hard, get on Ocean Engineering and learn Japanese, i will really work with Johnnys? 8D Because mai kokoro keep saying it when i become so lazy HAHA

1. really passionate about music, although almost have zero basic knowledge about reading music score
2. love mom and dad more after i moved out from home :')
3. am wanting to buy anything with gold color recently, but hasn't done it yet.
4. i can't hate anything/anyone
5. cannot get angry
6. fooling around much
7. when rain falls, i will sing a love song
8. A friend told me that the way i sing is like Vina Panduwinata. lol really?
9. Cannot stand still. literally.
10. never able to save up money since entering high school ._.
11. I LOVE JOHNNYS SO MUCH. I really want to work with them, doing stage preparation, arranging lighting ahjdfjsagdshakgd Johnnys give me dreams.
12. Stanning Yabu Kota. Although most of the time i bully him cuz he is so skinny. and his dance move is LOL-worthy
13. The only subject i am good at since elementary is English
14. Body is pretty flexible, but cannot dance. So clumsy,
15. sometimes read smut fics randomly and get disgusted. urgh "push her against the wall, hold both her hands on above her head..." hi there, imagination.
16. 'kepo' :')
17. easily cry when watching a touching moment.
18. the reasons i smile: 1) because i want to; 2) nervous; 3) to release stress;
19. Shy. This is no joke, 'kay. I am not the type who will greet a stranger first if she/he doesnt give a sign of wanting to approach me .______.
20. short and .......... chubby. i don't really mind being overweight, but i really mind about my height :'(
21. have a habit of pinching friends knee. there's my special technique in it. if i have done it to you, it means i already feel very comfortable with you.
22. always find every dogs are so cute. feel like kissing each of them :*
23. "You dont plan to be in love. You fall into it" -- Quoted from 'Watashi ga Renai Dekinai Riyuu', this words tickles me.
24. I always find if a guy is passionately playing his thing, is so cool.
25. I have so many ideas inside my head, but so lazy to write it down. Thats why i never realizing it. Haha, slackerbum.
26. I name my beloved stuffs. My laptop name is Jimbo (because it is big and blue. lol) and my handphone's is Yota.
27. I have my own 'logo' that i often draw on every papers i have :>
28. Talk a lot. about anything. i give a damn about everything. i like gossips, i collect and make it (sometimes)
29. Do really loves any horn instrument. also flute. Have always wanted to be able play flute and saxophone because they sound so ~*sexy*~
30. These #30thingsaboutme supposed to be posted on twitter, but i'm lazy. DNW spamming timeline. Also i have been wanting to update LJ but don't know what to write. haha

So, welcome 2012! It's kinda late, but Happy New Year everyone! Happy New Year dear lj friends buddies :) 2011 was an (another?) up downs year, may things happen that surprised me, beyond my expectation, but there are also many below my expectation. Maa, past is history. May on this new year we can be a better person, more reliable, and may we engrave may exciting memories, chyeaa \m/



So, JUMP winter concert started today. And.......... its been just the second day of 2012, but JUMP makes fans hearts jump XD As i predicted when Ryuu got suspended, i bet that this year they gonna have an Asian Tour because Yuto, Chinen, and Yamada would already graduated. I was surprised to know that what i predicted comes true XD

Their Asian Tour will be held from March - June. Unexpectedly, they start off from Hongkong (24-25 March), and then Taiwan (28-29 April), then they head back to Japan (will be on Yokohama Arena i heard. 1-7 May), then to Thailand (26-27 May), and at last, they will end the tour in Korea (23-24 June). (source: @tv_pia, @dokkero, and other twitter accounts).
Seems like they dont wanna lose from Kisumai whomm just officially debutted |D It kinda surprised me that Singapore isn't in their list. Seems like SG isn't relevant yet in Johnny's eyes? fffuh~

Also, also, also! Yabu announced a big news! *drum rolls* He wrote and sent an essay (thousand words worth) to Waseda University and got accepted! Which means he is a university student now 8DDDD LOL After almost 4 years graduated from high school, he finnally got into university and be a student again. I kinda wonder why he wants to go back to study

- he already graduated from high school since 2008
- JUMP is busy. They have Asia Tour this year. Also, JUMP gonna release a new single in February. Which mean they'll be busy promoting it. They also have Yan Yan JUMP, that lately has been hosted by YabuHika only (yayy, happy biased fan is happy :3)
- And the most intriguing is his major! He studies Human Science (//Department of Human Informatics and Cognitive Sciences). I know right, what's with that sounds-so-cool major?! Never cross my mind, even if Yabu got into university, he'll study science. I mean, what's deshou! He only talks about soccer, food, friends, sometimes wise words. what's with science! And i'm curious with what he wrote in his essay (according to @dokkero Yabu wrote 6-7 thousand words essay to (kind of) pass the test(?)). Thousands words of science. Sounds so nerd but cool.

Human science (also, humanistic social science, moral science and human sciences) refers to the investigation of human life and activities via a phenomenological methodology that acknowledges the validity of both sensory and psychological experience. It includes but is not necessarily limited to humanistic modes of inquiry within fields of the social sciences and humanities, including history, sociology, anthropology, and economics. Its use of an empirical methodology that encompasses psychological experience contrasts to the purely positivistic approach typical of the natural sciences which exclude all methods not based solely on sensory observations. Thus the term is often used to distinguish not only the content of a field of study from those of the natural sciences, but also its methodology.
-- wikipedia

Okay, his major sounds so complicated yet fun. Simply, he studies about human. What human was, is, will. Hmm? WHAT ARE YOU YABU?! If on magazine interview Inoo is nobeled to be the most mysterious member, i think Yabu also. Or is it because Inoo becomes Yabu's best buddy which make Inoo's virus influences to him.......... i talk non sense X'D

Anyway, JUMP got their 2nd university student (What's up with Keito's entrance exams? he failed? :o), and it is Yabu Kota, which is JUMP's leader. And the fact he actually is in the age of graduating from university than entering is so awesome. Whatever the reason it is, i think he'll put his best on it. And if it makes him appear less in TV (actually do not want this to happen but if he's too busy, instead of gaining weight, he'll become more skinny XD), i don't mind :D I do hope maybe someday, like Shige, he will release a book. If Shige writes novels, Yabu should release a thesis book XDD The first Johnnys to release book lol He might want to ask Koichi for some advice since Koichi is Johnnys' 1st science freak :3 Or maybe also Tego, since Tego is studying Human Science (but hasnt graduated yet lol he's busy concert-ing and take care of his girlfriend? :3).

Wait, what's with Yabu and Tego relationship? First, it was BEST wo Abake, and now they're studying the same thing 8D

Same earth, but different city. Same sky, but i dont see the same scenery.
I miss the time when i feel down i can just go outside, put my headset, play the right music, and stare at the sky

Whether it's noon, sitting on the bus near the window. feel the wind blows to my face and wipe away my burden
Whether it's night, standing on edge of balcony and watching the moon and the stars way up there as if they're saying "The world is big, your problems are nothing. Keep your chin up, you can overcome it"

While my eyes are on the sky, my mind is having conversation with Almighty. People call it 'pray', i call it 'chatting'. When i can rant out everything till tears wetting my face. That 'ii kanji' moment, when the next day if i remembered what i had done i would laugh to myself.

So what about now?
Now is still progressing. I want to be a person who only think about the present and do her best, and stop worrying about what it may turn out. Can i? Will i?

( rants rants rants )

Things to learn:
- never skip any meal time
- da fug with problems, you can overcome anything with joy living in your heart!

Everyone is perfect on God eyes. Imperfection are humans statement, because each of them set their own standards and try to put it on everyone. While obviously every one is not the same, we are born to be someONE

You are yourself. Even identical twins have something that difference them.

Respect yourself, respect your life. If it doesnt start from you, whom will?
Everyone is perfect on their way, we are born to be something. We can't be anyone nor be everyone. Don't be greedy, you're not living alone on this planet. You are born to help and get helps. Life is like an endless chain, in which every living things take and be a part of life.

Rather than being down because you compare yourself to other whom you think is better than you, why don't you brush up your talents? How long are you gonna sit and doing nothing but pitying yourself? Life is living on your mind, when you feel life is sad, than it is. Set up your mind. Life has many colors, it has various taste. Not everything gonna keep you happy, but with a smile and faith of being a better person, you will see how wonderful life is.

===

random thought that i want to keep it here.

After holiday ended, the real university days started. And i think i feel like really become a student. Gareth, the person who only study at school, doing homework d-1 deadline, studying only the night before the test, now has turned to be a real student. Being called 'Study Oriented' by a friend surely makes you feel "My life has changed"
:o

Midtests have started. Funny thing about this university is that for 1st year students, the test only be held every friday at 15.00 o'clock. 1 subject per week, so yeah you have much time to study, but it doesn't look that easy. You have to catch up with other subjects while focusing to study for midtest. This is university life, i need to always remember this.

Also i join Marching Band. The practices day held every Tuesday, Thursday/Friday, and Saturday. It sounds cool, but the practise is hard, i tell you. Quoted from certain person "Join Marching Band: free gym, free music classes". Ugh, so true.
Oh yeah, the placement test result has come out. I'm in Brass section, playing Baritone. It's heavy, btw. I'm having muscle pain like almost everyday du-du-dums. Yet the practice is so fun. Well, i've always had secret crush on brass, so eventhough it's painful, i enjoy it. fuck yeah, massochist much |D
Also friends are already having new crush towards *cough*senior*cough*. Trolling over the fact that i think a certain fanclub has born. And everytime his name get mentioned, everyone gets so excited to talk about him XD

fandom related? I listened to Star Time remake version (for Marching J), and dislike it. Remake supposed to be a better one. I'm not complaining because of they remake an old song without Ryuu, i complain because that certain member (still) get more solo line while there are who got none. Doesnt the jimusho learn that that type of voice is going to fall damn much? His voice reminds me of YamaPi. Good at recording, fail on almost all live performances ._. I have bad eyes, but i'm blessed with my hearing ability. So in my opinion, stop giving too much solo lines to certain members while it supposed to be a group song. |D